My thoughts on parenting....

Being a parent to me does not mean that I'm here to discipline and scold my children and decide for them what they do in their lives. Being a parent to me means, I am here to guide them. Most know that we do not spank in our house. This is a personal choice we have made. It is important to me to establish trust between our kids and us. I do not want our kids to fear us, feel shamed by us, nor do I want them to feel like they don't have a voice in this house. I allow our children to respond to us, so long as they are respectful about it. If you are angry, be angry. Tell us you're angry at us. You have the freedom to FEEL whatever you are feeling so long as you are respectful about it. Being sassy, talking back, having a bad attitude, are not okay. Coming to us and calmly letting us know you disagree with something we have said or done and that you feel angry about it, totally acceptable. This creates trust, this teaches communication, and this allows our children to process and understand and express what they are feeling. Will it necessarily change our decision? No. Not always. But we're willing to listen.

Tonight our 4 year old got in trouble for not listening. She was visibly upset about that. She said to my husband, "Dad i felt like you were not listening to ME!" And she didn't yell, she just kept repeating that she felt he wasnt listening. So I asked her to explain what she meant. She told him that when he yelled at her tonight, she had tried to explain to him what she was doing and that she was trying to help her sister but that he wouldn't listen to her and he thought she was misbehaving but she wasn't trying to. She was right. And we easily could have cut her off and said "I don't care, you need to listen to us." But that's devaluing her as a person. No matter how young. She deserves to have a voice and an opportunity to explain herself. My husband apologized to her for misunderstanding the situation and she was validated. We did also explain that next time, she should listen to daddy right away, and then ask if she can talk to him about what happened.

Another thing we've learned from our kids is that oftentimes we, as parents, make assumptions about what the kids are doing and their intentions behind it. We decide FOR them instead of asking them. Now, when we "discipline" them, we say, "do you understand why we are doing this?" Sometimes they say yes, but a lot of times they will explain from their point of view. And a lot of times, their point of view is way different from what we had decided in our heads was going on.

My children have humbled me. As a parent I've learned a lot from them. But just because I'm a parent, doesn't mean I automatically deserve their trust. No, I have to earn that just like everyone else does. I'm so thankful my kids have been talking to me lately. About school, about crushes (yes, sigh, all ready), about anything and everything. And I make sure I thank them every single time, for trusting me enough to talk to me about those things. I make sure they don't feel judged, put down, etc for what they share with me. If I don't agree with it, I find the best way to help guide them in a healthy direction and help them understand why its healthier, but ultimately I know and HAVE to respect that they have the final say. And whatever they choose, they will learn from it. This is life. And it's hard and it can be heartbreaking but it can also be the most beautiful experience ever.

Please don't forget that you were also that young once. You also felt and did the same things. It's more important to support them, and guide them, than it is to try and fit them into a mold that you think is right. They are their own person, and they need the freedom to be that. Our role is to help teach them the healthiest way to do that. And to help them be mindful and caring and loving and respectful. We won't get there with fear and punishment. That's not the answer.

I also had to remind my husband tonight that Willow is getting older. And that while its hard to accept that especially when it's your first daughter... That he needs to. And he needs to let her do what she needs to and grow how she needs to and trust in that journey. Hes not entirely thrilled at all that she has her first crush. But, I reminded him that if she shares that information with him (she told me not him) that he needs to listen and support her and not shame her or tell her she's wrong for feeling how she does. What she is feeling is very normal for her age, and while I know it makes him uncomfortable.... We don't want to shut the door on her feeling comfortable talking to us. So if he can't find anything constructive to say that will HELP her, not make her feel shamed, then he simply needs to listen. I remind willow that it's okay to like boys. It's okay to feel how she does, but that she is too young yet to understand having a relationship beyond friendship with them. And that it's important to have healthy boundaries. Kissing and such is not appropriate yet at her age. And she also needs to understand that at her age, he may not always reciprocate those same feelings and that that is OKAY. Because just as she is in control of her choices and her body, so is he and we need to respect his freedom to make those choices for himself. It does not mean anything is wrong with her, and i remind her that she needs to always take care of and love herself first.

Me, My Daughter, and *Gasp!* the Menstrual Cycle...

All right.. If I didn't post this.. I would feel that it goes against what I stand for and try to advocate for. So, with that said, this will be super TMI for some and you have been warned.

In our house we are quite open... About everything. Our children are quite educated for their age. But we just recently started discussing the 'menstrual cycle' in willows body book. My goal has been to normalize these things within our home and also not have them feel shame or feel scared or confused, etc.

Well, this mom learned a lesson today about how hard that can be. I wasn't raised in a home where you talked about that stuff openly. It was very private. While I'm teaching my girls, I'm learning myself to be comfortable and proud of my body. To accept that this is normal and not to feel shamed myself.

I unexpectedly received the glorious womenly gift today while wynsor was in the bathroom with me. She noticed and began asking questions. I was immediately ashamed and embarrassed and wanted to hide. But I knew that wasn't the right response. That's WHY I feel like that. Because that's what has been drilled into our heads. As women, we hide and we feel embarrassed over something that almost literally every woman goes through at some point in their life. It took me quite a bit of time to overcome that and decide to just be open about it. This IS normal. This ISNT a bad thing. A woman's body and the way it works is incredible. And the fact that they will someday experience this too, means I have to take the responsibility of teaching them that this isn't weird, its NORMAL!

Well, I decided this was also an opportunity to allow willow an opportunity to share what she knows about all of this. Wynsor, being wynsor, was quick to tell willow at bedtime what happened with me. Willows response left me so proud. And SHE made ME feel empowered. I was shocked.

Willow responded to Wynsor by saying "Oh! That's normal wynsor. That's called a menstrual cycle." Wynsor goes "but... There was... Blood." Willow goes "yea! That's her uterus getting rid of the lining because she doesn't have a baby in there. It happens once a month but its not a big deal, it only lasts for a couple of days." Wynsor goes "ohhhhhhh so like.. If we don't have a baby in there, then the body just, like, cleans itself out?!" Willow- "yep! Isn't that cool?! I have a book about it I can show you tomorrow. I know all about the menstrual cycle I can teach you all about it!!!"

I'm humbled. This is what I want for my girls. This is what we should be teaching our children. Our bodies are beautiful and so incredible and the way our bodies work and know what to do just really blows my mind when I stop and think about it. Willow was EXCITED to share that information with her sister. That is how it should be. I'm so thankful that she reminded me of this today.

And if this weirds you out, or offends you, its okay to delete me. But this is me. This is what I do. This is what I'm passionate about. And that's okay. But I don't expect you to be okay with it. I know it takes time to normalize these things. But we're getting there. :)

Super awesome Christmas hacks parrrrt 2!

Today I totally scored on Christmas stuff for my kids. And figured I would share my finds with you.

You're welcome :)

Today, I decided to look into those monthly box subscriptions. Usually they have coupon codes you can find if you dig hard enough and you can get a lot of them free or next to free. The first box I found and decided to purchase, I did not get for free. But it looks cool so I'm going to share it with you :)



1) Nerd Block.     



I bought this one for our 8 year old son. He is really into gaming and pokemon, minecraft, star wars, etc. So I thought this would be really fun for him. This one I did pay full price on, so I will have to blog at some point about what he/I thought when he gets it and opens it. I probably won't continue this subscription but I am eager to see if it's cool. It came to $19.95 with shipping. 

2) Nibblr

I got this one completely FREE! You get to decide the frequency in which you want to receive this box. I choose to just try it one time, but technically I signed up for the once a month box. (If it's not totally mind blowingly awesome, I plan to cancel.) My daughter really likes snacks like this, and I always think it's fun to try new things. So, I figured why not? I will again have to update when we receive it what we think. But again, seeing as it was free we are not really out anything should we not like it. 

If you would like to try one free as well, click the link and enter in this code: 17976
Feel free to comment here or on the post I write that has my review of it all, what you thought if you order it! 

3) Doodle Crate 

I choose to order this one for my nearly 5 year old girl. While this box in particular is said to be for 9-16+, I believe this is something my daughter will really enjoy. (She will also of course have adult supervision.) The other crafts for her age just did not fit her. These ones really fit her personality and what she likes to do. I am really looking forward to seeing what she receives! This one cost me $9.95. I had a coupon code for $10 off and Free Shipping. I was willing to pay a little more for this as it is a Christmas gift for her and it really seems like something she will enjoy.

If you would like to try this box out, click the link and you will receive a box for the same price I did. Let me know what you think if you order it, and what you got! 


4) Fab Kids

I am sure many have heard of this, as had I, but I finally decided to try it and order from it. You receive your first order for only $15, however, if you take the style quiz they will give you $10 to spend. So, I took the quiz, found a super cute outfit for Willow, and my grand total with Free Shipping came to $4.95. Yep, you read that right. An entire outfit for a grand total of $4.95. You can set up to skip months so you won't be charged again in the future, as these are all subscriptions. Or you can call and cancel. Full price after the first purchase is $29.95. 
If you would like to try this out, click the link and you will receive the same discount :) Let me know what you ordered and what you think of it!

5) Green kid crafts 

This one I am super excited about. I originally went to this page planning to order a box. I found a great discount code, had the box in my 'cart' and decided to look around a bit. I cam across this cute project where your child can create their own superhero cape and mask. It was only $12.95, so my original plan was to just buy it. So I removed the box from my 'cart' and to my surprise, the discount code applied to anything I bought and not just the boxes. SCORE! This cape came to a grand total of $2.95 and FREE shipping! My daughter is going to LOVE this. 


If you are interested in this site, click the link, click on the $10 box thing... shop around add what you want to purchase (you can even order any of the $7.95 crafts and they will actually be FREE) and when you go to check out, use the code: BLACKFRI 

This is what I have for now.  I am always searching for awesome deals and coupon codes so if you know any, please comment below with them. Otherwise I will update again when I have more to share!


Enjoy!

Dinner win!

So, as most know, our daughter pretty much refuses to eat.... anything. 

Every normal food you'd expect a nearly 5 year old to love, she pretty much just doesn't. It has been quite frustrating so I made it my personal mission to try to create kid- friendly meals this week in an experiment to see what, in fact, this girl will actually eat. 
Last night I made hand breaded chicken tenders, home made bow tie noodle mac n cheese with broccoli and french fries.

No go. 

So, tonight I decided to make food fun. 

Tonight's dinner consisted of me taking Tostito Scoops chips and I put individual chips in rows on a pan and filled them with refried black beans, corn, and topped with cheese and crumbled up Doritos. I also made a taco bean dip on the side.

Here is the process and the end result:

It was a total hit!!!!

Willow ate 3! helpings! Which came out to be like 8 of those things. Which is a super big deal! I am so excited to have found at least one meal she will eat. If anyone has any suggestions of meals to try, comment them on the bottom and I may make it and post about it :) 

This is Willow's reaction while eating it:

Right before dinner, my husband was playing with the kids and he is absolutely fantastic at being the one to rough house with them and they absolutely LOVE it. However, tonight, he was playing with them on our bed and (I believe this is how it went... could be in a different order, lol) Willow's knee hit Zahlia's head, which fell into Noah's nose. Which resulted in this: 
(Side note: He was actually laughing during this, every one was. And everyone was fine. Noah wanted me to take pictures because he thought it was pretty cool that his nose was bleeding so much. Daddy felt pretty bad even though no one else seemed too upset ;) )

Ah the joys of having so many kids ;) I keep telling my husband we need a bigger bed for all the kids to fit. ^^ Proof. ;)

On a serious note, though, I absolutely LOVE that my husband is so awesome with our kids. He works so hard all day long and comes home and instantly consumes the rest of his night with family. They soak up every minute of it too. We are truly a blessed family. And I am a blessed wife to have such a great man raising our children with me. Even when silly accidents happen. Because this stuff just happens. And they'll have many fun memories. And I think that's so awesomely beautiful :)

Crazy 'little' thing called..... God.

Yes, I am going to blog about God again.
Sidenote: Funny, that made me think of Dog with a blog for some reason.. yes, I think I'm around kids way too much ;) haha I kid. I kid.

I've planning this blog post in my head for a little bit now. But could never really figure out how to put to paper... err... blog... the right way to explain things. So, I'm just going to ramble like I usually do and put it all out there.

It's no secret I believe in God. Or, at least I hope I have not made it a secret. But, I also am not the easiest person to figure out. I have really weird quirks. I am the most disorganized, spacey, and confusing person I know. I have been through more in my last 27 years than most endure in a lifetime. Though there are also things I have not experienced in my life that others have. Some.

But through out my journey in life, I can look back and see God's presence in every thing that has ever happened. I know He was guiding me on this journey opening certain doors and closing many others.. All to get me to the next place in my journey.

A big part of my life and how I live it is based on intuition. I have VERY strong intuitions about many things. I don't know if it's due to what I've all been through in my life and the people I have come across and the things I have seen and learned... or if it's God's way of constantly working through me and in me. Could be both.

When I was 12 years old, I was watching the news footage of the Columbine shooting. I was so young I don't think I fully grasped the concept of the depth and disparity of  what had all happened. But, I do remember sitting and hearing about Rachel Joy Scott. And I remember the very moment I fell to my face and started praying. I was crying and praying and just so in awe of her and her love for Christ. I wanted that. I also remember that over the course of the next week or so I felt God really telling me that when I was also 18, that something life changing was going to happen to me. I originally chalked it up to me just having all the Columbine stuff in my head and Rachel Joy being 18 and yadda yadda.... but over the course of the next few years I kept feeling God tell me that when I turned 18 something life changing was going to happen. I couldn't shake it. So I started to pray about it. I asked God to prepare me for it before whatever it was happened.

Years went by and a little before I turned 18 I had an accident and sliced my foot open. Very very deep. My foot has permanent nerve damage. They gave me vicodin for the pain and I got hooked on it. I got to the point where I was taking 8 at a time more than once a day. This was for about 2-3 months. I then met a friend I hadn't seen in years and reconnected with him. We hit it off pretty quickly and shortly into hanging out with him I felt God tell me it was time to kick the pills. So I stopped cold turkey. It was hard and it sucked but it needed to happen. About a month or so after I kicked the pills I was getting sick and vomiting. I thought perhaps it was detox. (I was pretty uneducated on detox at that point). But come to find out, I was pregnant.

I was 18 years old.

And my life was about to change. 
Not only that, but God had prepared me for this by showing me I needed to make lifestyle changes, like quitting what I was doing that was destroying my body to make me healthy for this precious human being I was about to carry and bring into this world. When I found out I was pregnant, I always knew I would keep him. Because I knew this was what God had prepared me for since I was 12. I knew that even though I made the decision to be sinful and out of wedlock, that God all ready knew the decisions I was going to make. 
There was talk of me giving my son up for adoption. From other people, but I always knew I would never do that. I made the decisions I made, and I was going to make sure I was responsible for those decisions. Even if that meant going it alone. Which I did for quite some time.

Following the birth of my son, I did fall back into a dark place. I was very lost. I made very poor decisions. And I finally had a wake up call one day when a guy I was dating looked at my 1 yr old son and said, "It's no wonder your dad didn't want to be a part of your life." I remember I calmly shut the door to my son's room with him in it... and I threw that guy up against the closet and then fought him to the floor and said to him "If you EVER say something like that to my son again, I swear I will kill you." Obviously I wouldn't take it that far.. but it was a wake up call. Shortly after, I packed my things and I called a relative and said I needed to get out. I needed to change my life and move.

I detoxed, yes, this is where I really learned what detoxing is. And even my own family doesn't know this about me I don't think. I was so far removed from everyone at this point. I moved out on my own and had 1 month essentially to detox, find a job, find a place to live, and find insurance and state aid and a day care to take my son in.

ONE. MONTH.

I fell on my face every night and prayed desperately that if this was God's plan that I was giving it up to Him. That I was trusting Him to make it happen and I would put in the work to do it.

Within just over one month, I had accomplished everything. The apartment I got, the security deposit and first months rent was donated to me by some random person. I still don't really understand to this day how that worked out. But, it did. And the job I got, led me to a night out with people I didn't really know and I made a stupid decision to drink underage and got kicked out of a club and was stuck sitting in the cold rain by myself cut off from people I didn't even have phone numbers for. I had no way to get home even. And this one guy, came out looking for me and offered to leave his friends (the friends I'd also come with) to take me home.

This one guy, happened to be the guy I would marry. God KNEW again that I would make a poor decision, and knew again exactly how that would play into my future. I was not looking for a relationship. I was definitely not looking for marriage. But, God orchestrated everything to work out according to His plan.

Every single day since that night, Zach and I were inseparable. He would show up at my house unannounced and surprise me. We talked about everything and anything for hours, sometimes staying up an entire night to just... talk. We instantly became the best of friends. He also took me out on my very first official date. The first guy to ever care enough about me, to treat me like a Queen and take me out on an actual date. I had no intentions of dating him. But he wanted to be the one to do that for me. It was beautiful. And then 3 months after we met, at Summerfest, he proposed to me with a $12 ring from one of the vendor stands. I had never considered marrying him. I had never considered romantically spending any length of time with him. But in that moment I realized.... wow. Yes, yes.. this could really work. This could really be something special.

We immediately decided to be abstinent until our marriage because we wanted to really know each other on a personal level as opposed to a physical level. That was NOT easy. Especially when you suddenly realize you are in love with someone.... you want to be with that person. But we held true to that. And we went through a lot of rough times. And we held out until 3 weeks before we got married. But when we finally decided to give in it was something we talked about. And we realized that is was important to us to share that with each other. Because in our minds we were as married as we were ever going to be. We were committed. And we were becoming bitter and angry and resentful because we couldn't share with each other something that is so important in a relationship. That physical aspect of a relationship is something that God gave to couples. And we knew we were being sinful but we decided it was right for us. And God KNEW this was going to happen. (See a trend here yet?) ;) ) I got pregnant that first time. We found out I believe either the day we got married, or the day before.

Our marriage has been anything but perfect. We've talked about getting divorced many times. But, deep down.. we know that is never an option for us. Life gets hard. Being married.... is hard. And having 4 kids when we ourselves are barely adults, well, that is VERY hard. But God has been working in us and through us every single step of the way. I love my husband more than any living person on this Earth. I love him more than my kids in a DIFFERENT way. Because our kids are of my husband. With out my husband I would not have the life I have and I would not be the person I am today.

When we were engaged, I remember we were in the parking lot outside of Applebees in Oshkosh, and Zach looked at me and said,

 "If I were not a Christian, would you still marry me." 

I remember I thought for a second and looked at him and said, "No." Because I knew at that point, that if I were going to be getting married, that we could not do it on our own. We are 2 people. And when they say 2 become one, I disagree. 2 join together to become 1 in Christ. With out God, we are still just 2 separate people. But with God, we can do and be anything. I knew if that after everything I'd been through in my life, that if I was going to embark on this new journey, I needed a solid ground in place. So when we fell, because we KNEW we were going to fall, we had someone, something there to catch us.

We have fallen... many times. And I am so thankful for the husband I have. A husband who has not always been a spiritual leader in our house as I hoped, but who has always stood by me and supported me as a spiritual believer. My husband knows God is faithful to us. He knows that He is the rope that holds us together. But I also know that God's work in us is not done. And for awhile I struggled with this. I wanted a husband who was going to lead our home.

But a friend of mine said to me the other day.... maybe right now, God needs you to lead your home. So you can be an example of Christ to your husband and your kids. And I said to her.. "But it's so hard. I'm not worthy of such a job. Why does it have to be so hard at times?!" And she said to me, "Of course it's going to be hard. Do you think it was easy for God? He sent His only son to Earth and had to watch him suffer and die the most painful death. Do you think that was easy? Do you think it was easy for Jesus to carry the cross and die for us? No. It was the hardest thing anyone has ever had to do." And it hit me. Nothing in life that I go through will ever compare to what was done for me. I have been selfishly sitting here watching God work in my life through every struggle. Picking me up every single time I fall short. And all that I have to do is trust Him and be an example of that love to my family?

That's not hard. That's an honor. I am so privileged to be here and to have the family and the life that I have. And I have selfishly looked for reasons to give up and say it's too hard. ESPECIALLY after how far I have come and after all the work God has done in me.

All I have to do is Love. I have a beautiful family. I have an incredible husband. And I have incredible friends. This world is full of so much good if you just stop and look around. I am SO blessed. And when I look at it that way... no. It is not hard to love and to be thankful. Because with out Him.....


I would be nothing. 

My awesome Christmas shopping hacks!

If you are like me this year, you also have waited until nearly the last minute to start Christmas shopping. If you're also like me, you want as much bang for your buck. Seriously, I'm cheap. But, I don't like cheap stuff. 

Every year it is my goal to get the absolute most for my money. Not only do I download every app and search online like crazy, but I make my husband also download the same apps so we can both look for the best deals at the same time, lol. (I also like to save time.. because, well, as we all know time is money.) 

So, the question is..... WHERE DO I GET THE MOST FOR MY MONEY?!Well, that's what I'm here to tell you :)


(You're Welcome!)

Photos:

My go to place to get awesome quality prints, and photo products at an extremely affordable price (and sometimes, actually a lot of times, FREE) is York Photos. Here are a few coupon codes also that should work for other FREE products!

Use code ornaments  to receive 60% off custom made ornaments.
Use code walldecor to receive 50% off wall decor, canvases, and easel prints.
Use code holidayship to receive FREE shipping on holiday prints.
Use code holidaycards to receive 50% off cards and calenders.
Use code muggift to receive a FREE custom coffee mug. (This one is my favorite ;) )

I'll add more as I find them!

Almost all of these expire this weekend (mug one does not!). But they always have codes you can use so don't worry if you don't catch these in time!

Click here to sign up and receive 60 FREE 4x6 prints! (this is a link you can use ANY time!)



The one blog I watch for ALL of the best deals and coupons?

This.. right here:
http://myfrugaladventures.com/

She rocks. I have gotten so many awesome deals from checking out her site!

What to get for that guy who you don't know what to get anything for?

1) Dollar shave club. I just placed and order for this, have not received it yet. But I will update on what I think of it when I receive it. I have heard many good things so far :) Receive your choice of razor and cartridges monthly, or bi monthly, for a super cheap price. Along with many other awesome shaving products. Great gift for men!

Dollar Shave Club

2) Most men LOVE fishing! My son and husband love this Mystery Tackle Box! Each month receive a box FILLED with lures, hooks, worms, coupons, scratch offs for gift certificates, etc. You never know what you are going to get, you just know it's going to be awesome and WELL worth your money. AWESOME monthly box to give the guy who loves fishing!

Use code get499  to receive your first box for $4.99 (this should work, let me know if it doesn't) or use code gifts10pct to receive 10% off any gift order. (They also have a store you can shop in on their site for fishing items)

Mystery Tackle Box

I have a lot more monthly boxes to add to this... please be patient I will update soon! 

Want money back on online shopping?!

Ebates offers a certain percentage back in cash on every purchase you make. I have used this site countless times, especially this time of year and receive a decent amount of cash back!

EBATES!

Okay, I have to run. Look for another post soon with the rest of the men's boxes, and the rest of my Christmas shopping hacks!!! Thanks for coming by! And if you have a suggestion of great places to get the most bang for your buck, Comment and let me know!

Why I don't call myself a "Christian"....

Yep, this is one of those "deep" posts. 

My faith in God is something that is really quite unexplainable. (apparently Google does not think that is a real word.. but I am going to use it) I don't like to classify myself as a Christian per say and recently a couple friends and I were having a discussion about this and they were confused initially as to why I don't use that term. My reasoning is because I don't feel that is a fully accurate depiction of what I am.

A Christian, in short, is a follower of Christ. So yes, I am a Christian by that standard. However, I feel like society, and even many who call themselves Christians, have in fact taken away from what (in my opinion) a Christian really is. Especially with the amount of judging there is in the world. (which really really bothers me by the way.. but that's another post on another day)

So... what is a Christian to me? Oof. That's a heavy question. But one I think I may finally be ready to answer.

To me, when you get to the absolute core of what a Christian is first of all begins with.... someone who has accepted Christ and welcomed him into their life and embarked on this journey of sorts. A relationship as I call it.

I want to tell you that welcoming Christ into my life was this big, crazy, life changing experience like some say they had. But, I can't. I don't even really remember it.. mostly because I've done it over and over and over and... you get it.  And each time was because I had hit rock bottom. I had realized I could not do it on my own. But I also didn't know who else to turn to. One of the main reasons I would stray from God is because I felt God had spite me. I blamed Him for the things going on in my life. I blamed  Him for the outcomes of the choices I made. If He was such a loving, passionate God... HOW COULD HE LET HORRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN TO ME AND OTHERS IN THE WORLD. 

Can you relate?

But, of course.. then, when I was at my total rock bottom, I would turn around and call out to Him and suddenly be begging Him for help. Crazy, right?! But, you know what would happen? God wouldn't say "No man, sorry.. you used up your amount of times to break up with me and come back." Nope. Not ever.

He would welcome me back in with open arms... and wrap those arms around me SO tightly and show me in more ways than I could ever fit in a blog post, just how much He loved me and was present in my life. In fact, He had never left.

God gives us free will. He allows us the opportunity to make mistakes. He allows us to live and fall down and gives us the opportunity to pick ourselves back up and when we need Him to help us... HE IS ALWAYS THERE. 

If God were to control every aspect of the world and allow only good to happen... how would we ever be able to appreciate anything? We would not know hurt. We would not know pain. We would not know what it means to fall and need to depend on Him to help us through it at times.

This isn't Heaven. This is the World. 
I don't think I ever understood God's love and his role in my life until I had children. As a mom, I love my children. I am there for my children. But, I also have to allow my children a certain level of freedom to make their own choices and learn from the good and the bad of those choices. I think almost every parent can relate to this. We can not protect them from everything. 

Let's think of a super basic, hypothetical example. A child refuses to wear a coat. You send said child out into the cold of Winter with out a coat. What's going to happen? They are going to realize it's cold as all heck outside, and they are going to want to wear a coat.

Children learn a lot of times by cause and effect. Adults learn a lot of times by cause and effect. It is a way of life. Because when bad things happen, we learn to appreciate the good we have. When your car breaks down on the side of a road you say, "This is the worst day ever!!!" Then sometimes suddenly a good Samaritan shows up and offers you help. We've all seen this happen at one point or another. And then it's like that reality check. I always ask myself in situations like this... "What is God trying to teach me in this?" Sometimes it's just that I should have been smart and not run out of gas. lol

God uses every situation. The good. The bad. The ugly. EVERYTHING.  He never abandons you. It's just that... when it's good... we don't need God. So we often fail to see His presence in our life. And when it's bad.... we want to blame God. Because, it's obviously something He's done wrong and not any person of this Earth's cause or fault. Do you see how twisted this can be?

When I became a mom, I realized my role as parent is very similar to God's role in my life. We have this relationship of good and bad. I make mistakes, I learn from my mistakes. I have had bad stuff happen (Seriously, I promise you, bad stuff has happened in my life... ask me sometime. We can chat about it.) and now when I look back on my life, I see the way it has all flowed together to get me to this very place where I am at right now. Human nature, decisions I have made, decisions in my life that others have made, along with God's interventions.... have all brought me here. Which is exactly where I am supposed to be.

Where I am at right now is not perfect. I am so terribly flawed in so many areas. But for the first time in my life.. I am all in. I am totally and completely committed to my relationship with Christ.

Why? I have a very simple answer for that.

BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MUCH BAD HAS HAPPENED IN MY LIFE, I CAN LOOK BACK AND SEE GOD'S PRESENCE AND INTERVENTION IN EVERY. SINGLE. SITUATION.  AND TOO MANY "COINCIDENCES" HAVE HAPPENED IN MY LIFE TO MAKE ME FEEL COMFORTABLE CALLING THEM COINCIDENCES ANY LONGER. 

I believe 100% (and those who know me, know this is a BIG DEAL for me to say this finally) that God exists. I believe there is a God who loves me. I believe there is a God who forgives me. I believe that there is a God out there who loves me SO much that He is willing to let me go out into the real world and live and make mistakes and learn from them. And no matter if I disobey, or hurt Him, or hurt someone else... when I come to Him and I am broken and I know I have done wrong... His arms are open. Just as mine are for my children when they do the same.

I am so lucky to believe in such a thing. I am so lucky to believe that I don't have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm so lucky that I can fall short and make mistakes, and still be accepted and loved. 

And I'd rather believe that then believe that I'm put on this Earth to just walk through each day and at times suffer for no apparent reason and that I'm just... here. And then someday I'll just... die.

How depressing.

We will not know the truth until we die.But until that day, it gives me so much more hope and comfort to believe in this. To believe in something bigger than myself. To believe that there is a purpose for my life. And more so, to believe I can be an example of this love to others. Because this gift of love and faith and hope.. is not just for me. God has made this available to everyone. And to see just a glimmer of it... all we have to do is stop. slow down. and take a moment to observe life. Every where.

Seriously, EVERY WHERE you can find a situation where God is present. Where God is working in that situation. Where God is working on changing lives.


It is incredible. And humbling. And also totally wrecks me at times. Because I realize I feel I am not worthy. But my perception of myself and what I am worthy of or not is that of a human and worldly perspective, not of God's. In God's eyes, we are all worthy.

And if I only get a moment with you at some point in our lives, I pray so desperately that you will see in me, the God that is working in me and through me. That you will see a person who falls short daily, but that trusts God so deeply. And a person who is here to just be an example of that love to you. So if even for just a moment, I can share this with you. Because, you are worthy.

And this is why I don't like to classify myself as just a Christian. Because God is so much more than that to me. I am not a stereotype that society has formed and put me into. I am a walking, breathing, living example of God's constant work in us. I am on a journey through this crazy life just like any one else. I am making mistakes, I am bitter and angry at times, and I have hurt people. But I believe. I believe in this relationship. I believe in His love. And I believe my life needs to be a reflection of what it means to be a completely normal human being that is loved so purely by God... no matter what.