Why I don't call myself a "Christian"....

Yep, this is one of those "deep" posts. 

My faith in God is something that is really quite unexplainable. (apparently Google does not think that is a real word.. but I am going to use it) I don't like to classify myself as a Christian per say and recently a couple friends and I were having a discussion about this and they were confused initially as to why I don't use that term. My reasoning is because I don't feel that is a fully accurate depiction of what I am.

A Christian, in short, is a follower of Christ. So yes, I am a Christian by that standard. However, I feel like society, and even many who call themselves Christians, have in fact taken away from what (in my opinion) a Christian really is. Especially with the amount of judging there is in the world. (which really really bothers me by the way.. but that's another post on another day)

So... what is a Christian to me? Oof. That's a heavy question. But one I think I may finally be ready to answer.

To me, when you get to the absolute core of what a Christian is first of all begins with.... someone who has accepted Christ and welcomed him into their life and embarked on this journey of sorts. A relationship as I call it.

I want to tell you that welcoming Christ into my life was this big, crazy, life changing experience like some say they had. But, I can't. I don't even really remember it.. mostly because I've done it over and over and over and... you get it.  And each time was because I had hit rock bottom. I had realized I could not do it on my own. But I also didn't know who else to turn to. One of the main reasons I would stray from God is because I felt God had spite me. I blamed Him for the things going on in my life. I blamed  Him for the outcomes of the choices I made. If He was such a loving, passionate God... HOW COULD HE LET HORRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN TO ME AND OTHERS IN THE WORLD. 

Can you relate?

But, of course.. then, when I was at my total rock bottom, I would turn around and call out to Him and suddenly be begging Him for help. Crazy, right?! But, you know what would happen? God wouldn't say "No man, sorry.. you used up your amount of times to break up with me and come back." Nope. Not ever.

He would welcome me back in with open arms... and wrap those arms around me SO tightly and show me in more ways than I could ever fit in a blog post, just how much He loved me and was present in my life. In fact, He had never left.

God gives us free will. He allows us the opportunity to make mistakes. He allows us to live and fall down and gives us the opportunity to pick ourselves back up and when we need Him to help us... HE IS ALWAYS THERE. 

If God were to control every aspect of the world and allow only good to happen... how would we ever be able to appreciate anything? We would not know hurt. We would not know pain. We would not know what it means to fall and need to depend on Him to help us through it at times.

This isn't Heaven. This is the World. 
I don't think I ever understood God's love and his role in my life until I had children. As a mom, I love my children. I am there for my children. But, I also have to allow my children a certain level of freedom to make their own choices and learn from the good and the bad of those choices. I think almost every parent can relate to this. We can not protect them from everything. 

Let's think of a super basic, hypothetical example. A child refuses to wear a coat. You send said child out into the cold of Winter with out a coat. What's going to happen? They are going to realize it's cold as all heck outside, and they are going to want to wear a coat.

Children learn a lot of times by cause and effect. Adults learn a lot of times by cause and effect. It is a way of life. Because when bad things happen, we learn to appreciate the good we have. When your car breaks down on the side of a road you say, "This is the worst day ever!!!" Then sometimes suddenly a good Samaritan shows up and offers you help. We've all seen this happen at one point or another. And then it's like that reality check. I always ask myself in situations like this... "What is God trying to teach me in this?" Sometimes it's just that I should have been smart and not run out of gas. lol

God uses every situation. The good. The bad. The ugly. EVERYTHING.  He never abandons you. It's just that... when it's good... we don't need God. So we often fail to see His presence in our life. And when it's bad.... we want to blame God. Because, it's obviously something He's done wrong and not any person of this Earth's cause or fault. Do you see how twisted this can be?

When I became a mom, I realized my role as parent is very similar to God's role in my life. We have this relationship of good and bad. I make mistakes, I learn from my mistakes. I have had bad stuff happen (Seriously, I promise you, bad stuff has happened in my life... ask me sometime. We can chat about it.) and now when I look back on my life, I see the way it has all flowed together to get me to this very place where I am at right now. Human nature, decisions I have made, decisions in my life that others have made, along with God's interventions.... have all brought me here. Which is exactly where I am supposed to be.

Where I am at right now is not perfect. I am so terribly flawed in so many areas. But for the first time in my life.. I am all in. I am totally and completely committed to my relationship with Christ.

Why? I have a very simple answer for that.

BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MUCH BAD HAS HAPPENED IN MY LIFE, I CAN LOOK BACK AND SEE GOD'S PRESENCE AND INTERVENTION IN EVERY. SINGLE. SITUATION.  AND TOO MANY "COINCIDENCES" HAVE HAPPENED IN MY LIFE TO MAKE ME FEEL COMFORTABLE CALLING THEM COINCIDENCES ANY LONGER. 

I believe 100% (and those who know me, know this is a BIG DEAL for me to say this finally) that God exists. I believe there is a God who loves me. I believe there is a God who forgives me. I believe that there is a God out there who loves me SO much that He is willing to let me go out into the real world and live and make mistakes and learn from them. And no matter if I disobey, or hurt Him, or hurt someone else... when I come to Him and I am broken and I know I have done wrong... His arms are open. Just as mine are for my children when they do the same.

I am so lucky to believe in such a thing. I am so lucky to believe that I don't have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm so lucky that I can fall short and make mistakes, and still be accepted and loved. 

And I'd rather believe that then believe that I'm put on this Earth to just walk through each day and at times suffer for no apparent reason and that I'm just... here. And then someday I'll just... die.

How depressing.

We will not know the truth until we die.But until that day, it gives me so much more hope and comfort to believe in this. To believe in something bigger than myself. To believe that there is a purpose for my life. And more so, to believe I can be an example of this love to others. Because this gift of love and faith and hope.. is not just for me. God has made this available to everyone. And to see just a glimmer of it... all we have to do is stop. slow down. and take a moment to observe life. Every where.

Seriously, EVERY WHERE you can find a situation where God is present. Where God is working in that situation. Where God is working on changing lives.


It is incredible. And humbling. And also totally wrecks me at times. Because I realize I feel I am not worthy. But my perception of myself and what I am worthy of or not is that of a human and worldly perspective, not of God's. In God's eyes, we are all worthy.

And if I only get a moment with you at some point in our lives, I pray so desperately that you will see in me, the God that is working in me and through me. That you will see a person who falls short daily, but that trusts God so deeply. And a person who is here to just be an example of that love to you. So if even for just a moment, I can share this with you. Because, you are worthy.

And this is why I don't like to classify myself as just a Christian. Because God is so much more than that to me. I am not a stereotype that society has formed and put me into. I am a walking, breathing, living example of God's constant work in us. I am on a journey through this crazy life just like any one else. I am making mistakes, I am bitter and angry at times, and I have hurt people. But I believe. I believe in this relationship. I believe in His love. And I believe my life needs to be a reflection of what it means to be a completely normal human being that is loved so purely by God... no matter what.